You must be wondering why I’ve gone to the trouble I have to build this site which appears to memorialize Penny Elizabeth Peace, but reads more like an indictment. What it does, of course, is to lay open a question and provide readers an opportunity to answer it. The reason I’ve done this is both interesting and complicated.
Something similar to this story, but more extensive, happened to me with my second wife, Betsy Ruth Brant. I found myself, once again, living with a woman who presented a completely different face to others than she did to me. Life was repeating itself, but on a much grander scale.
I asked myself, how was this possible? How could otherwise moral women, who knew the ten commandments, who were brought up properly, girls who honoured and respected their parents, act in such immoral, duplicitous, and brazen ways?
This question led me to write a book, “Daughters of Slaves, The Historical Reasons why Women, Think, Talk and Act the Way They Do Today.” My argument was that all women today are genetically the product of primitive societies millennia ago that cut down and killed strong, honest, independent women and protected and defended compliant, dishonest, submissive women. Indeed, until the last century, women were not only second-class citizens, they were actual pieces of property, chattel, who were handed (literally) from father to husband at a public ceremony (a wedding).
This massive, multi-century eugenics program produced women with a kind of prisoner mentality: no snitching to the guards, networking among fellow inmates (other women), compartmentalization of relationships, lying as the first response to emotional situations. We have all seen this in daily life, particularly the compartmentalization issue, something women defend with the brick wall of “privacy.”
In effect this gets both Penny and Betsy off the hook morally; they just didn’t know any better because of biology. But still, when you live with a moral lie, when it disrupts your entire life, it leaves a mark, and it certainly left a mark on me.
Now, to answer the question I posed at the beginning; why? Well, the answer is that unlike most promises made by women to men, because of my action in leaving her, I had Penny’s promises to me in writing, not just once but time, after time, after time, in her letters from Vancouver to me in Romford. Most female promises are lost like dust in the wind. But Penny’s were kept; I had them, they exist still.
And so I disinterred them, transcribed them and posted them here on this WordPress blog. They’re here so you can put yourself in my place, so you can feel what I felt, so you can feel the loss at the end. They’re here so you can wonder, as I did, what the Hell happened to me?
We, and I mean the men down the centuries who created the women of today; are reaping the harvest we’ve sown. We got what we wanted, compliant women who lie to our faces as easily as telling the truth.
No, I don’t have a solution to this dilemma. And I’ll bet you don’t either. But I hope Love & Longing has helped clarify what I think is a central fault line in male/female relations.
NOTE: Yes, I know men lie too. The difference is that men consider honesty a virtue (“His word is his bond”), while women consider social harmony a virtue (“Everybody, play nice”). Thus, typically, when women don’t want to do something, they’ll produce a plausible fib as to why they can’t. Men, won’t. Perhaps this is the reason women have more friends than men. Women also value privacy more than men. Privacy helps them keep the compartments in their lives separate. Clearly, Penny had Hugh and me in separate compartments, right to the end. In a way, this blog is designed to fix that; to break down the wall separating Hugh Lawson from Frank Hilliard. After all, despite what women think, we only have one life to live. There are no compartments; there is only reality.